Infarrantly Creative: REAL and RAW Part 14

Real and Raw Part 1
Real and Raw Part 2
Real and Raw Part 3
Real and Raw Part 4
Real and Raw Part 5
Real and Raw Part 6
Real and Raw Part 7
Real and Raw Part 8
Real and Raw Part 9
Real and Raw Part 10
Real and Raw Part 11
Real and Raw Part 12
Real and Raw Part 13

Tim said he wanted to move forward in our relationship. We both talked about our expectations in dating. We agreed that we were done dating just to date. We wanted to date with the expectation that we would get married one day. If there came a point in our relationship where we felt we could not marry the other person that we would break up. At the end of the conversation Tim said “So….will you be my girlfriend?” I said “That was so cheesy couldn’t you have asked another way?” He said “I didn’t know what to say..do you want to go out with me sounded junior highish? I said “Oh geesh…that was cheesy but yes I will be your girlfriend.”

Shortly after we started dating I made the decision that I wanted to wait six months before we kissed. I had wasted so many kisses in my lifetime. Most of the time in my past relationships we kissed and then decided we would date. I didn’t want this to be like any of the other relationships in the past. I wanted the next person I kissed to be the man that I would spend the rest of my life with. He was totally okay with my decision.

I always told Tim that dating him was way harder than being married to him is. I was such a wreck when we started dating and most of our relationship was spent undoing the unhealthy patterns I had formed in my life.

Tim came from an amazing godly family. His mom was a strong woman who taught him strong values and convictions. His dad was a humble servant who was faithful to his marriage, his family and his faith. He taught Tim how to live with integrity. He went to church nine months before he was born. Tim can tell you any of the Bible stories and has so much Scripture in his head from his upbringing…it is awesome. I am totally jealous. He also can’t remember anyone saying anything to him that left him wounded. Hmmmm… must be nice. He also had remained pure in his relationships. HELLO DREAMBOAT!

And then there was me…yikes! I felt so unworthy.

As you can tell from my story I hadn’t learned how to handle conflict very well. When in a fight I always thought there was a winner and loser. I wanted to win so I would argue my point, call him names, and scream louder than him. If he had nothing left to say I felt victorious. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT!?!?!

When we would fight I would either clam up and pretend like I couldn’t hear what Tim was saying. Or I would blow up and scream at him. There wasn’t much middle ground. Both tactics didn’t sit too well with Tim. When I would yell at him he would get quieter and quieter until he was whispering. It was annoying! I wanted someone to yell back at me. To this day I have never heard Tim raise his voice.

Tim was SO patient with me and when he responded in kindness and love to my rants and looney toon fits I wanted to be more than I was. I wanted to learn how to handle conflict and share my emotions without screaming and making him feel devalued. I wanted to be able to dicuss tough subjects in a healthy way and come to a resolution. Slowly I was learning.

My feelings for Tim became so strong it scared me. I couldn’t get him wrapped around my finger and he wouldn’t play my games. I always felt like at any moment he could leave. In prior relationships I always felt like I was in the driver’s seat and that they were “whooped” over me. Tim, on the other hand, cared about me but he didn’t hold so tightly to me. I always knew his value was not found in his relationship with me. I knew that was healthy and good but it also was unsettling in the same sense.

One day we got in a fight and he left to give me time to cool off. I was so desperate and scared I called an ex-boyfriend. I think I just wanted someone to stroke my ego and make me feel better about myself. Tim found out and he said, “I care a lot about you but I refuse to play your games. You are either all in, or I am out. Call me when you have made your decision” He walked out the door. I knew for sure he would call me, they always did. Three days later I broke down and bawled and apologized. I asked him if he would have called me and he said, “No, never I was not the one who screwed up.” Thank you Lord he didn’t give up on me.

(Tim told me I sound really awful at this point in the story)

I knew I loved Tim within a month of dating but I didn’t tell him for three months. I was so scared to be that vulnerable. I didn’t think Tim would use it against me but there was something inside me that hard a hard time letting all my cards show. I was the first girl Tim had ever told that he loved. He made me feel so special. He treated me with such respect and love at all times.

Our six-month anniversary happened to be on my birthday. He was living in Florida for the summer with two of his college buddies Paul and Brian. They were beach bums by day and worked at a beach resort as waiters at night. I was in Chicago working as a waitress at Lone Star Steakhouse at night and working at Ameritech as an administrative assistant during the day.

I got approved to live off campus that semester. So I went back to Lynchburg and moved into my off-campus apartment with my two roommates Amy and Tracy. Tracy was dating Paul. So the plan was that Tracy and I would drop our stuff off at our new apartment and then drive to Florida to see our boyfriends!

August 10th came and Tim had planned a whole day for us. He made me a pancake breakfast with “Happy Birthday” spelled out in the syrup. Then we went to play putt-putt golf. I won…or maybe he let me win since it was my birthday ;-) Then he took me out to lunch. When we got back to his apartment he had a nice dress that he had bought for me to wear that night to dinner at the resort. His boss had given Tim “his card” and told him to take me out and order anything we wanted. The place we went didn’t have prices on the menu!!! I could barely concentrate on dinner because I knew the day we had been waiting to kiss was moments away.

We left the beach club and Tim took me to another part of the resort. There was this long boardwalk that led out to a gazebo that was in the middle of a beautiful marsh. There were rose petals all along the boardwalk. When we got to the gazebo there was a blanket laying down with chocolate and a bowl of fresh fruit with two wines glasses and sparkling cider on it. The sun was starting to set over the water and hues of purples and pinks were strewn in the sky.

I was so nervous I was just blabbing about randomness. Where we were was a bird-watching area. So I was feigning interest in the bird stations located in the gazebo and begging for a bird to fly up to distract us. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a ring box hidden under the bench.

I started freaking out, Oh my gosh is he going to propose? I mean I know we talked about marriage but oh my gosh, I am not ready for this moment. It is too soon. Oh my gosh what I am going to say” Sweaty palms, heart beating out of my chest, butterflies fluttering in my stomach…and not a dang bird in sight!

Tim said “Come here…”

Deep breath and one foot in front of the other I slowly walked to where he was. I sat on his lap and he read me this…

Rebecca Marie,
I want to start off by saying I love you more than I ever dreamed I could love a girl. i can’t wait, even though it is is very hard to imagine, loving you even stronger. I cant wait to see how our love will grow over the next 50 years. I remember when I was little my mom used to tell me she prayed for my future wife and family. When we used to pray together I would do the same. When I was praying, I never dreamed it would be as awesome as I have it now. You make it very easy for me to love you. I appreciate you putting my needs before yours on many occasions. I appreciate your willingness to work on things (sometimes things you think are stupid) but no mater what the case you are willing because you want our relationship to be awesome. Most of all I want to thank you for the woman you are in the hands of Jesus Christ. You have challenged me in so many ways spiritually. I have learned so much from just watching your life. I am thrilled when I think you are the woman who will raise our children. I want you to know that whenever I kiss you I am making a promise to you that I will be yours and only yours and that I am promising to continue to strive to be the man God wants me to be. I am making the commitment to love you no matter what. I want you to think about these things when I kiss you and know that I am yours and your are God’s. I love you seems to inadequate at a time like this. But, Rebecca Marie I want you to know I love you and I will love you. Because love is a choice and I choose you…

He leaned in and cupped my face in his hands…

Click here to read REAL & RAW Part 15





  • Tamara

    I love that last sentence “Love is a choice and I choose you”. Wouldn’t so many marriages be stronger if people looked at love that way? What a great moment for the two of you.

  • Shannon

    ok, all those nights playin’ cards…I NEVER knew Tim was such a romantic!

    Go Timmy!

  • MiMi

    I’m dying here. The cliff hangers are starting to kill me. I mean, I can tell what happened, but dang, that’s such a lovely story! It’s so awesome you are sharing such a personal story.
    Thanks again!
    Macey

  • Casey

    I have just loved reading your story! What a testimony to the power of allowing God to lead your life. Thanks for sharing!

  • Mom in High Heels

    Awwwwwwww! His letter is so sweet!
    Now write the rest!

  • Housewife Savant

    Sheesh, COME ON!
    You’re KILLING me here.
    Did I mention impatience?
    No, not impatience.
    I’m sick.
    Yep, sick.
    I’ve got this condition that makes me, er REALLY SICK…and they’re locking me up, NO; putting me in the hospital…
    In the “Ward for People Who Are Really Sick,” and there’ll be no internet.
    have some compassion.
    Email me the concluding posts.
    The doctor says it’s my only hope. Like Good Medicine, even.

    What’s my diagnosis?
    I have something that’s exacerbated by anticipation. Seriously. I suffer.
    I could die.
    Did I mention I have three children?
    I have two cats.
    I have a DOG! [sobs uncontrollably, and not just because she hates dogs]

  • Carmel

    Aw, you suck. : ) Did he kiss you and propose? What is up with this story of your’s?

  • Mabry’s Gamma

    Beckie,

    Now I am putting my self in a momma’s shoes and tell you that I would love Tim for a SIL and I bet your mom feels the same way. You have such a WONDERFUL way with words and the way you keep us all in suspense. I think we all know what is coming…but it isn’t the same without your words to describe it. Now I hope you don’t make us wait for DAYS to get the next installment…please don’t.

    I really do hope we get to meet when you come to GA in July.

    Cheri AKA : Personal Cheerleader

    PS- How is your hand?

  • Carrie

    So GREAT!!!! Hubby and I tried not kissing at all until we were married. We failed. Miserably. And we only had six months from dating to marriage!

    If he proposes I’m gonna squeal. If all he gives you in that box is a necklace or earrings I’m going to squeal in anguish!

  • Vivienne

    I used to be a huge LA Law fan (a fabulous drama that was on in the early 90s, for you youngsters) and it was produced (written?) by David E Kelly. At the end of each show there would be some sort of a cliffhanger, the screen would fade to black and up pops his name in the credits

    I would yell at the tv “Dang it David E Kelly!!!” both grateful for the story he just told and irritated he was stopping.

    You are now my David E Kelly.

  • Amy Jo

    oooo la la. Keep it coming!

  • Beck

    Wow! I have only seen stories like this in the movies…..yours is waaaaayyyy better. On the edge of my seat again, because I didn’t know that there are real people like you and Tim. This is like reading a book you can’t put down….

    By the way, unbelievable patience…six months…really….ummm yeah don’t think I lasted 6 days….How awful is that?

    Next installment….please….

  • Sarah @ Thrifty Decor Chick

    What the ??? You better post tonight!!!

  • One-

    What an amazing story! It shows how much Tim saw you thru Jesus’ eyes….forgiven.

  • The Hershey Bryces

    Though you have no idea who I am, I have been reading your crafty blog for a while and think you are very talented. I have to admit, that I actually feel pretty guilty reading such a personal story, but am so grateful for it! In sooo many ways it is my story as well. It’s almost eerie. However, I will say that though I have the most perfect man in the world he’s not quite the sappy romantic yours is! You soo deserve all you have been blessed with and may our Father in Heaven continue to pour his blessings out to you and for family for eternity!

  • Ells

    ahhh, so beautiful! Isn’t it awesome that God makes us better women through the love of our amazing husbands? Tim’s love for you is so big and deep! :) Thanks for sharing your story! Can’t wait to find out how he prepped all that romance, and what is in that box!

  • Sarah

    You’re good at writing a story and you’re good at the cliffhangers!

  • Lisa B

    Oh my goodness!! Beckie…come on with the cliffhangers. Finish the letter already. You know I am not a patient person. I am in tears reading that letter from Tim. What a sweet sweet husband you have that God made just for you. I love that his parents prayed for his wife and family from such a young age. We are already praying for Garrett and Kate’s future spouses and families. Since I don’t know Tim that well yet, it’s nice to have this new perspective of Tim.

  • Anonymous

    seriously, let’s get on with this story!! I even know how this goes from this point but I can’t wait to read it!!
    When you talked about miniature golf it reminded me of when Drew and I played with you guys and it was our first date!! I was so bad. You and Time killed us. I thought for sure he would never ask me out again! :)
    Nicole

  • Kimba

    Hey girl,

    I just had to let you know that I’ve been reading along from the beginning. I am so touched and blessed by your story.

    I’m sure there are woman who are being affected by your story and you don’t even know it. I’m so glad that you have the courage to put your personal story out there.

    My path to faith wasn’t a pretty one either but that just makes God’s grace and forgiveness all the more precious.

    Kimba

  • Carrie

    Aaaggghhhhh!!!! Come on!!!! I’m dying here!!

    Glad to hear your hand is ok! I read it through my sister’s blog…

    I bet you have dozens of crafty projects you’re dying to do!

  • Ali

    And then……!!!! Oh my gosh, this is the best story EVER! =) He is just the sweetest! Ok, seriously, you need to make this into a book. Not that I don’t love my hubby more than anything, but I totally went through a time when your story would have inspired me to take my life in a different direction. I have read other womens’ testimonies of finding their Godly husbands etc., but your story is so real and detailed, full of emotion! And I so want my son to grow up to be like your hubby. I pray for him, but hubby and I need to do a better job of it TOGETHER!

  • Cathy

    Awwwww…that is soooo sweet! You guys are too stinkin’ cute!!!!

  • **Amy**

    Tissue please!