Real and Raw Part 1
Real and Raw Part 2
Real and Raw Part 3
Real and Raw Part 4
Real and Raw Part 5
Real and Raw Part 6
Real and Raw Part 7
Real and Raw Part 8
Real and Raw Part 9
Real and Raw Part 10
Real and Raw Part 11
Read and Raw Part 12
About two weeks before Christmas break one of the guys in the group that I hung out with asked me to meet him at Marriott (our school cafeteria) for dinner. I didn’t think anything of it. I knew Kaley had a crush on him so I invited her along with us. So the three of us were talking and somehow got on the subject of dating and why Liberty guys don’t ask girls out. Tim said something along the line of “I am just waiting for God to show me the right one.” But, in my mind what I heard was “I am just waiting for Jesus himself to beam down from heaven this super woman of my dreams.”
So I went off!
“I was like you are waiting?!?! You are not supposed to be the one the waiting! You are supposed to be the hunter! The woman is supposed to be waiting! What is it with all these Christian guys waiting for some super girl to walk into their lives, you guys are supposed to be the pursuers?!?! God called you to pursue not to wait. You have the whole roles reversed buddy” I beat him over the head with Scripture and all that God had taught me about the whole dating realm ;-). I told him my view of dating and how the guy who found me was going to find me and fall in love with me because of who I was in Christ.
Tim says, “Wow impressive if I would have known you felt that way I would have asked you out a long time ago, how about we go out next semester?” Tim was kind of a jokester so I was like “Yah sure Tim, next semester, uh-huh.” He was like “no I am serious, let’s go out next semester.”
In my head I am thinking, “Crap you are supposed to be noticing Kaley, ask her out!” So I am trying to just joke with him about going out. I really didn’t think he was serious but I kind of half agreed to go out with him that next semester.
After dinner Kaley was like, “You are not really going to go out with him, are you?” I said “No, you know Tim, he is totally joking.” Then I blew it off and didn’t give it a second thought.
A week later I had a conversation with Kelley, another girl from our group of friends.
Kelley: “I hear you are going on a hot date next semester?”
Beckie: “REALLY, I AM??? WITH WHO??” (all giddy and excited)
Beckie: Oh geesh…no I am not, who told you that?
Kelley: He did.
Beckie: He did?!?!? I thought he was totally joking about going out next semester.
Kelley: Well he wasn’t joking when he was talking to me.
Beckie: Hmmmm…ok whatever, we’ll see.
So that got me thinking about Tim a little. During Christmas break I sent all the guys on my YouthQuest team and from the group I hung out with, some cookies. I got a thank you note back from Tim. On the outside of the envelope he wrote “to the lady who knows where she’ll be found.” I thought that was sweet.
I got back to school and on the first day Tim called and said “Is the prettiest girl on campus there?” How is a girl supposed to respond to that, “Umm, yes?” Anyway I about melted right there. Little did I know he used that line all the time. So we chit-chatted a bit and realized we had Philosophy together.
Tim intrigued me. He had a quiet confidence to him. He was a leader. Both guys and girls respected him. I started to watch him. How did he respond in conflict? How did he respond to girls? Was he flirty? Could he be trusted? I noticed he never put people down. He didn’t respond when overly anxious girls would flirt with him. He laughed a lot. He cared about people.
He started to call me more often and he sat by me at the basketball games and at Marriott. This whole time I am starting to like him but my allegiance to Kaley would never let it go further than that. I will say… I did try to look extra cute in my overalls and bows in my hair though.
One night on the phone we got to talking and he said he was starting to like me. I was like, uh oh…I told him I liked him too but that Kaley had feelings for him and I couldn’t date him. So that was the end of that I thought.
The next day Kaley pulled me aside in our dorm and said she wanted to talk to me. She said “I need to talk to you about Tim.” My heart skipped a beat even when she said his name.
Kaley: “You like Tim don’t you?”
Beckie: “Yes but I totally would never date him because I know how you feel about him!”
Kaley: “Does he like you?”
Beckie: “Yes but I told him I wouldn’t date him.”
Kaley: “Does he know I like him?”
Kaley: “I want you to date him.”
Beckie: “No, I wouldn’t dare do that to you.”
Kaley: “I have watched you and how hard you have tried to be content with God alone in your life. I think this is God blessing you. I am not to that point in my life yet and I think I need to figure that out before God is going to bring someone in my life.”
Kaley wasn’t the type of person who just said stuff just to say stuff. When she said that… she totally meant it. I knew if I dated him there would be no harsh feelings, it wouldn’t change our friendship and that she really meant what she said. I felt such a relief having that conversation with her and excited about seeing where this might go. Have I told you what a great friend Kaley is?
Did you visit her yesterday? It isn’t too late..she’ll still let you stop by…
So I told Tim about our conversation. He just listened and then said “great.” I am thinking “Great, are we dating? or Great, let’s be friends? or Great, we’ll see where this goes? Great??? Great what?”
So we talked on the phone every night until the wee hours of the morning and hung out practically everyday. We both really liked each other and our feelings were growing stronger. I kept telling him that he should probably hear my life story sometime. He kept putting it off until his mom said “Son, you are starting to really like this girl you should probably hear her story in case there is anything you need to know that might change your mind about her.” So he told me he was ready to hear it.
Tim seemed too perfect. He had an amazing godly family. His mom was a strong woman, a great mom, and a loving wife. His dad was a total servant and was faithful to his wife, family and his faith. His parents had a great marriage and taught Tim how to handful conflict in a healthy way. He went to Christian school his whole life and could tell you any of the Bible stories. He never had anything major happen in his life and really couldn’t ever remember someone saying anything that wounded him. He only had a couple of girlfriends and he managed to stay completely pure in his relationships.
And then there was me, whose life tales could probably end me up on Jerry Springer one day. Quite a pair, wouldn’t you say?
I was nervous to tell him my story but I had a peace about it. I knew that the man God had for me would love me in spite of my past and would see it made me the woman I was. I also knew that I was so content with where God had me that I was fine if Tim walked away. I told him the good, the bad, and the ugly. He had bug eyes through a couple parts. Mostly he just listened intently through the whole story without uttering a word.
Afterward he gave me two yellow roses and a red one. He said “I didn’t know what I was going to hear from you today but I wanted to give you the flowers to tell you that the two yellow roses symbolize our friendship and the red one symbolizes God and his love for us. And that no matter what…God is always between the two of us.” I still have petals from those flowers pressed between the pages of my Bible to this day.
I went back to my room with my head kind of spinning. I didn’t really know where we were going from there. Of course I had those thoughts that I was dirty and not pure enough for him, but I just kept praying and knew all my past mistakes were forgiven and that I was moving forward with whatever God had for me.
That weekend I had a YouthQuest trip and Tim was going on a trip with the ministry team he served on. Before we left Tim told me that he was reading in his Bible that morning in Acts 3.
“One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer–at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk. Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.”
He said “The blind beggar thought the best God had for him was money and that is what he was begging for. But God’s best was to heal him. I kind of feel like that may be the same for us.”
At the time I totally thought that was his nice way of saying “God has a better plan for me than you.”
So we went our separate ways that weekend. I left the weekend with a complete peace and just told God it was in His hands.
Sunday night rolled around and we both ended up going to a basketball game and he said “I have been thinking about us, can we talk?” My heart skipped a beat…