Infarrantly Creative: REAL and RAW Part 11

Real and Raw Part 1
Real and Raw Part 2
Real and Raw Part 3
Real and Raw Part 4
Real and Raw Part 5
Real and Raw Part 6
Real and Raw Part 7
Real and Raw Part 8
Real and Raw Part 9
Real and Raw Part 10

In one breath I said “Hi-my-name-is-Beckie-I-am-your-new-roommate-I-am-sorry-I-rearranged-the-room-I-tried-to-be-real-careful-moving-your-stuff-around-I-needed-to-make-room-in-order-to-fit-any-of-my-stuff-in-the-room-I-bet-this-is-a-huge-shock-to-you-I-wish-you-were-here-when-I-moved-in-but-since-you-weren’t-I-tried-my-best-to-be-careful.”

Deep breath~~~~~~~~~

They said, “No problem, it is nice to meet you.” Stacey and Sarah were super welcoming, not the response I was thinking I’d receive.

Sarah, me and Stacey during Spirit Week


Over the course of that semester we became great friends. The three girls next door – Maranatha, Amy and Mary Beth were also friends with Stacey and Sarah. All six of us hung out quite a bit and I had a blast that semester. I think it was the first time in my life that I really hung out with a group of girls and wasn’t always watching my back or fearful they would betray me. It was refreshing and healing to my heart. We were all so different so I think that is what made it work. I was definitely the boisterous, crazy, say-anything, do-anything girl.

I loved Liberty. I didn’t mind the curfew or the dress code or the fact that boys were not allowed in the girls’ dorm. I didn’t even mind not watching rated R movies. I didn’t like the fact that we could not dance…that was a bummer. But the whole experience was amazing. I loved being surrounded by other people who had the same faith as my own. I knew I was living in a Christian bubble at the time but it was right where I needed to be at that point in my life.

I decided I would major in Psychology with a minor in Youth Ministry. I think I mostly just wanted to figure out what was going on in my head. Every time I studied one of the disorders I was certain that was my problem. I think I was just fascinated with people and what makes them tick.

At the end of the semester I tried out for a drama team called YouthQuest. I figured since I was a drama queen anyway I might as well use my talents for something. Ha! Ha! YouthQuest was a team of singers and actors that would travel on the weekends to different youth groups and do discipleship weekends. I made the team. Whoop! Whoop!

At this point I was still pining over a guy we will call Karl. Karl and I had dated for three months 13 days after Jake and I broke up. Can we say rebound?? I broke up with him three months later using the excuse that I rushed into a relationship too quick. But guess what I did the minute we broke up? I started dating…hello??!! What was I thinking? About 2 months later I regretted the decision of breaking up with Karl. So I pined over him by dating his friends. Good strategy huh? Karl was like the male version of myself – very passionate, a HUGE flirt, loved being the center of attention, and all the girls loved him. Dangerous combination wouldn’t you say? Plus he was a drummer. What is it about a guy in a band that make girls swoon?

The summer between my freshmen and sophomore year of college I tried so hard to win him back. However, he was sooooooo over me. In fact, he starting dating a girl we will call Michelle who eventually became his wife. I still didn’t back off, I think that made me try harder. Please dear Lord do not let Kayla be like me when she grows up. I am pretty sure she would love my head on platter to this day. So I went back to school determined to get over him and move on.

I started my sophomore year at Liberty with new roommates. Sarah, Stacey, Amy, Marybeth and Marantha went to the senior dorms. I was too young to follow, you had to be a certain age to get into senior dorms. I figured God had blessed me with great roomies the first time around why not roll the dice again? The second time around I wasn’t so lucky. It wasn’t that I did not like them we were just in totally different walks of life. Kim was 26, which was pretty old in my mind and Brielle was engaged and totally immersed in planning a wedding. We just didn’t connect.

I was enjoying my role in YouthQuest though. I loved the team I was on and was so excited for our first road trip. A week before our first trip a bomb was dropped.

In September, information came to the surface that my youth pastor Ryan had a sexual relationship with a girl in the youth group. I was devastated. I had looked up to Ryan as a mentor in my life. He played a huge role in my spiritual growth and a big part in my decision to attend Liberty.

For legal reasons they were trying to withhold the name of the girl. So everyone in the youth group played the guessing game and came to the conclusion that it was me. Ryan and I were close and everyone knew about my past so the logical choice was me. Ouch! That stung.

Two days later I got a call from Pedes. My parents were separating.

How much devastating news can one girl take in one week?

My world turned upside down. My faith was weak. My family was crumbling. My emotions were running rampant and I was depressed…

Click here to read REAL and RAW Part 12





Comments

  1. Cha-Ching on a Shoestring says:

    first comment!!! oh how i remember this day…

  2. It’s so terrible that people have a bias and can’t get over it sometimes! No wonder SOME people never change, it’s almost never expected. Sheesh. Alright, get on that next post, here I’ll help…REAL and RAW Part 12…ok you take it from here. : )

  3. Oh no! And things had been going so well! I hope you showed them what was what!

  4. Aww man! What a bummer (NOW I find post #11, not sure how I missed it!) Now I really do have to wait for the next part, but for now, off to bed!

  5. Your writing is beautifully honest. You’ve gone through a lot, but I’m really enjoying reading the transformation when the Lord was introduced into your life. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing your story.

  6. Mom in High Heels says:

    You are amazing. I could never be this honest on my blog. Ever. Not that I have a lot to hide (we all do, don’t we?), but it’s just not stuff I’d want to relive or have out in public domain. I adore you for doing this. Now go write the rest! ;)

  7. I’ve enjoyed reading this series so much! It has become my soap opera of sorts! :) It has also pushed me to start thinking about doing the same with my “story,” although I know my grandparents and parents and my ex-boyfriend’s sister read my blog and I don’t know if I’m ready for them to know all the nitty gritty details. :) I appreciate your honesty and pleas know, we are on the edge of our seats…
    Oh- and PS: I married a drummer! :)

  8. OK!! I can’t believe you have that picture… We had a blast! You were always full of life and a ball of laughs. Lets not forget all of our crazy times with Tony, Maranathas wedding, coming to Jax. etc.. You are truly a blessing and I thank the Lord for our precious memories :o)Keep them coming!! Love ya always

  9. Amazing isn’t it? Just when you think things are going well, God throws you a curve ball? Sometimes the curve balls just keep coming and you can’t seem to bat them away. : (

    My brother actually gave me a couple of drum lessons last year. We had his drum set in our great room for a while. : ) I loved it! Wasn’t too bad for a beginner either, but alas, not enough room or time to practice and the drums had to go back. : ( Maybe another day……. : )

  10. Still clinging to every word! Love hearing your real life story.

  11. ….and we’re left hanging again!

    I’m sure this post was VERY short compared to others…

    I feel a little jipped, I have to tell you. :)

    Can’t wait for the next one!

  12. The Ousdahls says:

    Thanks for being so honest about your life and your story!! You are awesome!!

  13. Cliffhangers…..every good show on tv has them and now on blogs….what’s a girl to do?

    Guess I’ll just keep tuning in! :)

  14. it is amazing how lives intertwine…. you giving a piece of your life, and allowing us to hear your journey of faith is so courageous.

    Crazy braids anyone?

  15. I’ve really appreciated you sharing this with everyone. I know dredging up those memories can sting a little no matter what else has come into our lives since.
    But gotta say NICE how you went from lesbian to sleeping with a grown man. They really put a lot of stock in their own rumors didn’t they?
    (p.s. there’s a little type-o that you might want to fix given that whole lesbian rumor thing. HAHA! It’s totally something I would mess up too!)

  16. Housewife Savant says:

    SHEESH girl. What does an impatient reader have to do? Can I get your phone number? (kidding)

    I’ll be Bach.

    I typed that in my best Schwarzenegger voice, so please read accordingly.

  17. I don’t even know how I found your blog but I’ve been hooked on it since this morning. Reading your life story has been enlightening. While I am not Catholic, I can appreciate how your faith gave your life meaning and purpose. You are such a talented, not to mention honest, writer. I think your next journey should be writing a book or turning this blog into a Middle School read. You are gifted in so many ways. Thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the truth.

    • Janet! Wow…..Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly mean that. It was very hard for me to share my story on here and was overwhelemed and humbled by all the feedback I have had come my way. I know that God did choose me to go through what I did for a reason and has made me the woman I am today. It was very hard and hurtful at times, but I believe I wouldn’t be who I am today if I wouldn’t have went through those struggles. Hope you have a terrific day!

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