Real and Raw Part 1
Real and Raw Part 2
Real and Raw Part 3
Real and Raw Part 4
Real and Raw Part 5
Real and Raw Part 6
Real and Raw Part 7
Real and Raw Part 8
Real and Raw Part 9
Real and Raw Part 10
In one breath I said “Hi-my-name-is-Beckie-I-am-your-new-roommate-I-am-sorry-I-rearranged-the-room-I-tried-to-be-real-careful-moving-your-stuff-around-I-needed-to-make-room-in-order-to-fit-any-of-my-stuff-in-the-room-I-bet-this-is-a-huge-shock-to-you-I-wish-you-were-here-when-I-moved-in-but-since-you-weren’t-I-tried-my-best-to-be-careful.”
They said, “No problem, it is nice to meet you.” Stacey and Sarah were super welcoming, not the response I was thinking I’d receive.
Over the course of that semester we became great friends. The three girls next door – Maranatha, Amy and Mary Beth were also friends with Stacey and Sarah. All six of us hung out quite a bit and I had a blast that semester. I think it was the first time in my life that I really hung out with a group of girls and wasn’t always watching my back or fearful they would betray me. It was refreshing and healing to my heart. We were all so different so I think that is what made it work. I was definitely the boisterous, crazy, say-anything, do-anything girl.
I loved Liberty. I didn’t mind the curfew or the dress code or the fact that boys were not allowed in the girls’ dorm. I didn’t even mind not watching rated R movies. I didn’t like the fact that we could not dance…that was a bummer. But the whole experience was amazing. I loved being surrounded by other people who had the same faith as my own. I knew I was living in a Christian bubble at the time but it was right where I needed to be at that point in my life.
I decided I would major in Psychology with a minor in Youth Ministry. I think I mostly just wanted to figure out what was going on in my head. Every time I studied one of the disorders I was certain that was my problem. I think I was just fascinated with people and what makes them tick.
At the end of the semester I tried out for a drama team called YouthQuest. I figured since I was a drama queen anyway I might as well use my talents for something. Ha! Ha! YouthQuest was a team of singers and actors that would travel on the weekends to different youth groups and do discipleship weekends. I made the team. Whoop! Whoop!
At this point I was still pining over a guy we will call Karl. Karl and I had dated for three months 13 days after Jake and I broke up. Can we say rebound?? I broke up with him three months later using the excuse that I rushed into a relationship too quick. But guess what I did the minute we broke up? I started dating…hello??!! What was I thinking? About 2 months later I regretted the decision of breaking up with Karl. So I pined over him by dating his friends. Good strategy huh? Karl was like the male version of myself – very passionate, a HUGE flirt, loved being the center of attention, and all the girls loved him. Dangerous combination wouldn’t you say? Plus he was a drummer. What is it about a guy in a band that make girls swoon?
The summer between my freshmen and sophomore year of college I tried so hard to win him back. However, he was sooooooo over me. In fact, he starting dating a girl we will call Michelle who eventually became his wife. I still didn’t back off, I think that made me try harder. Please dear Lord do not let Kayla be like me when she grows up. I am pretty sure she would love my head on platter to this day. So I went back to school determined to get over him and move on.
I started my sophomore year at Liberty with new roommates. Sarah, Stacey, Amy, Marybeth and Marantha went to the senior dorms. I was too young to follow, you had to be a certain age to get into senior dorms. I figured God had blessed me with great roomies the first time around why not roll the dice again? The second time around I wasn’t so lucky. It wasn’t that I did not like them we were just in totally different walks of life. Kim was 26, which was pretty old in my mind and Brielle was engaged and totally immersed in planning a wedding. We just didn’t connect.
I was enjoying my role in YouthQuest though. I loved the team I was on and was so excited for our first road trip. A week before our first trip a bomb was dropped.
In September, information came to the surface that my youth pastor Ryan had a sexual relationship with a girl in the youth group. I was devastated. I had looked up to Ryan as a mentor in my life. He played a huge role in my spiritual growth and a big part in my decision to attend Liberty.
For legal reasons they were trying to withhold the name of the girl. So everyone in the youth group played the guessing game and came to the conclusion that it was me. Ryan and I were close and everyone knew about my past so the logical choice was me. Ouch! That stung.
Two days later I got a call from Pedes. My parents were separating.
My world turned upside down. My faith was weak. My family was crumbling. My emotions were running rampant and I was depressed…