Infarrantly Creative: REAL and RAW Part 7

Real and Raw Part 1
Real and Raw Part 2
Real and Raw Part 3
Real and Raw Part 4
Real and Raw Part 5
Real and Raw Part 6

I seriously could not believe my eyes. What are the chances out of 2000 people that she would be in my first period class!?!? I went through the day thinking she would be in everyone of my classes with my luck. Thankfully she was only in that one.

The summer before I started my junior year I got my first job. I worked at Randall Video and I loved my job. It was so fun having a paycheck and spending it however I wanted. Plus, I got to sit around and watch movies and get paid $4.25/hr.

There was a girl named Kirsten that worked there and we became good friends. It was perfect because she went to the new public school I would be attending. She started dating Bruce who was another co-worker. So I started the school year having some friends which was a bonus. However, when I got there I didn’t realize how popular they were. She was the captain of the cheerleading squad and he was a football player. Bruce was best friends with Jake and JAKE WAS A HOTTIE!

I had the biggest crush on Jake. I use to stalk him. I knew his schedule and where he would be and when he would be there. I never said a word to him. I just wanted to look at him. He was soooooo hot.

I decided to try swimming my junior year instead of volleyball. I was athletic enough and I thought I was up for the challenge. I sucked at it! I was always in the slow lane and just did not have the endurance the others girls had. I now knew why I liked team sports better. If we lost, I could blame it on someone else. LOL! When you are a swimmer if you lose it is because you weren’t good enough and you have no one else to cast blame. I should have stuck to volleyball.

My main motivation was that Mary and Penny were on the team. We had a little bit of contact with each other when I went to Catholic school but not much our sophomore years. I figured I would rekindle that friendship. After two years we just grew apart and we were into different things. So all that I took away from swimming season was green hair. Oh yes I said it…green hair. You know how little girls who swim alot have this slight green tinge to their hair? It is kind of overlooked when you are a first grader. Not so much when you are a junior in high school. And yes I have a picture to prove it…


Of course picture day would fall right after swim season. $150 and two weekends later I had my hair back to normal.

Back to Jake…One day in P.E. he came up to me and said hi. I about melted right there. I think I turned three shades of red before I stammered, “hhhhhh..hi.” He made small talk and I all but squealed when he left.

Everyday after that he would come up to me before P.E. and talk to me. Then he started coming to my work to “see Bruce”. In November he asked me out.

I had plenty of boyfriends before Jake. It seemed like every guy I dated before, fell too hard, too quick. Jake was mysterious and I could not get him to fall head over heels for me. I think it was the challenge that made him so attractive. I was OBSESSED with him. He was all I thought about and all I cared about. Things progressed quickly in our relationship and there was no going back…I was in love. Bruce, Kirsten, Jake and I hung out on the weekends together and it was so much fun.

Then a strange thing happened in February. This random freshmen started giving me the stink eye. I thought that was strange. I thought I read in “High School 101: Tips for Under Classmen” that if you were an underclassmen you don’t give the stink eye to an upperclassmen. Apparently, Kim didn’t get the memo. So I mentioned to Kirsten at lunch, “Do you know Kim, the freshmen?” Kirsten immediately got this strange look on her face and said nonchalantly, “Yah, I know her.” Then I replied “She keeps giving me dirty looks and I don’t think I have ever even had a conversation with her.” Kirsten shrugged it off and changed the subject.

The next day I saw Kim again and she walked past me and called me the B-word.

WHAT IN THE WORLD! NO SHE DI’NT!”

So I freaked and went up to her in a front of a bunch of people and went off on her saying stupid things like, “Who do you think you are talking to an upperclassmen that way…blah blah blah!” I was ready for a fight. What came out of her mouth next was like a punch in the stomach. “You are just mad because I was with your boyfriend this weekend.”

HOLD THE TRAIN! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?!

A teacher saw this “conversation” escalating and sent us to the office. My head was reeling. What came out of her mouth didn’t make sense. I was with Jake that weekend, what was she talking about?

The school policy in situations like that was that we had to sit down with peer counselors and have a conflict resolution meeting. I told the dean there was no way I was sitting down with one of my peers and “talking through my issue” with Kim. I did agree to sit and talk with just Kim and that someone could sit close enough away to make sure I didn’t rip her head off but far enough away that they wouldn’t hear our conversation. So Kim told me all about her “time” with Jake and even a note he wrote her I recognized the handwriting and I think I heard my heart break right there. I managed to hold it together in front of Kim.

Word spread to Jake fast and he knew what was happening. He came looking for me after school and immediately said “Ok hold on I can explain!” SMAAAACK! As hard as I could I smacked him across the face and burst into tears yelling all sorts of obsenities and telling him what a piece of trash he was. He grabbed me into his arms in a bear hug while I was trying to wiggle and punch my way out of his grip. He was 225 lbs of muscle (did I mention he was a lineman on the football team?) and there was no way I was getting away. It was one of those moments when you have an ugly cry. Have you ever had one of those? I was uncontrollably sobbing, tears streaming down my face, mascara smeared everywhere. It ain’t purdy folks! He finally let go after he felt like I would no longer take a swing at him. I went home that night depressed and having suicidal thoughts. That is what happens when you make someone your world.

Meanwhile, my cousin Julie had been asking me to go to church with her. I told her no repeatedly and she kept encouraging me to come. That weekend she was trying to get me to go to a winter camp her church was having. I definitely was not interested in spiritual things. After all hadn’t I just left catholic school? No thank you, I did not want anything to do with God or religion. I was so depressed after that and didn’t want to deal with Jake. I needed to escape so I called Julie up and told her I would go to the winter retreat her church was having. I just needed somewhere to hide out for the weekend and to forget my heart was broken. I didn’t want to do anything stupid so I figured this was my safest course of action.

I had a fun weekend surprisingly. The weird part about her church was how genuinely nice these people were. I was a broken-hearted girl with a tough exterior and responded with one word when people tried to talk to me. Yet, without fail every opportunity these people had to love me they did. It freaked me out a little. No one was ever that nice to me when I was nice to them and here I was being nasty and they were nice to me. Huh? I didn’t know how to respond to that. It would have been easier for them to be mean to me…that I knew well. But loving me just to love someone….that I didn’t get. These ‘church’ people intrigued me.

The weekend was over and Jake called Sunday evening…

Click here to read REAL & RAW Part 8





  • Lisa B

    47 seconds ago…hot off the press. It’s one of those times I said when I happen to be on blogger right when you update! Funny…love the cliffhangers. :)

  • miSS cARTER

    Oh man, this is better than Twilight. Just post the whole story already. ;)

  • Vivienne

    What comes next?! What comes next?! What comes next?!
    Maybe you could do a morning post and an evening post…? :-)

  • Sarah @ Thrifty Decor Chick

    Dang, I can’t remember your husband’s name…it isn’t Jake is it??? :)

  • C Maisy

    ok….you sound a little bit like me but I came to God at 38 years old. Wish I had when I was a teenager…wait…is that what you are leading to. i think i’m reading ahead…UGH!!! I gotta know!!!

  • Amy

    Gosh darn it, Beckie! I keep telling myself that I’m just not going to check your blog for a couple of days so that I can keep reading without your darn cliffhangers! But I’m hooked. Everytime I see you’ve updated, I have to read!

  • Laurie

    what a cliffhanger…love it!

  • Ali

    Ack! Then what??? OH I can’t STAND the suspense! ;-)

  • Annetta

    Love everyone’s comments! I feel the same way!! Do you speak at youth events perhaps!?? You would be great!!

  • Carolyn

    I’m really enjoying reading your story…well, enjoying is perhaps not the right term. Horrified at the drama, praying for you (even though I know that this happened a long time ago) and totally sucked in! I have a feeling I’m going to like what’s coming next, though!

  • Ryan and Amy

    Two posts in one day…love it! I think I heard that smack all the way in South Whitley, Indiana. :) Next comes the good part…wait…the great part. :)

  • amanda

    I know I shouldn’t… I know it was a difficult time for you… you lived it… but I am loving reading this. Keep’em coming. It’s like a really deep book, but you know the ending is happy!

  • Dee

    Ya, you know those crazy church people! :0)

  • Mom in High Heels

    I’m having a hard time reconciling this wild child I’m reading about with the sweet creative blogger I know. It’s incredibly interesting though. I can’t wait for the next installment! What happened with Jake and Stink Eye? I need to know!!!!

  • Mabry’s gamma

    My thoughts are the same as Mom in High Heels, she couldn’t have said what I was thinking any better.

    Becki…look how wonderful you are telling your story and have everyone waiting in anticipation, Miss Carter said it was even better than Twilight, now that is a compliment, so you could write. You can do it.

  • Simply Susan

    Oh man, you are killing me!!!!!!!

  • Mrs. Querido

    Wow..I cannot believe how cruel people can be! I wasn’t picked on in school, just ostracized. How did you hold it all together all those years?

    Riveting because it is real…

    Looking forward to seeing His redemption in all of this!

  • Mel Tales

    Okay…I just sat here and read up until now….I can't wait to pick back up later tonight!!!!! I have a feeling where this is going! Be back soon! xoxo