I think I get asked some version of this question everyday from one of you…
There are times my house looks disgusting, the laundry gets piled up, dinner hasn’t been thought about, the children are still in their jammies, I put Isaac in front of the TV all day, and I haven’t taken a shower because I get immersed in a project. I will not lie. My husband gets frustrated with all my projects when they take up all my time and space in our house. I am just like you, I promise. I don’t have any super human powers.
But I had a conversation with my husband about three months ago. Actually I think it was an argument that turned into an eye-opening and life-changing moment in my marriage. I was upset because I felt like he didn’t appreciate all I did to make our house a home. He was upset because I was so engrossed in projects and he was coming home to a wreck of a house and no dinner. So what came of this was that I asked my husband, “What are the three most important things you want from me on a daily basis when you come home from work?” (Besides seeing me naked cooking dinner…it ain’t happening
1. “That the house is picked up”
2. “That you have a plan for dinner”
3. “and I have clean underwear and t-shirts”
I can’t tell you how freeing that was. I CAN TOTALLY DO THOSE THINGS! So every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is take something out of the freezer to thaw for dinner. (I am a freezer meal freak…that is a post for another day…but it totally saves time and money). Around 4:00 I make sure the house is clean so that by 5:30 when Tim gets home it looks nice. I try to keep an eye out when the laundry pile is getting large and throw a few loads in throughout the day. In the forefront of my mind I am always asking myself “Is the top 3 done?” I tell myself I can’t start projects until I get those done. Therefore, I do not dilly dally, I zip around my house like a mad women to get those 3 things done so that I can work on my projects.
Also, everyday Isaac sleeps from 2:00-5:00. He may wake up earlier but he knows he can’t leave his room until 5:00 so he will just play in his room if it is before then. I also have timed Kayla to nap close to that time as well. I also involve Isaac in my projects. I let him paint and sand. Even if I have to redo it he feels valued and I get to keep working on my projects. I also get him to “help” me make dinner and empty the dishwasher. He has ownership in our house and he thinks he remodeled the kitchen. In fact, yesterday he came downstairs after a nap and touched the cabinets and said to Tim, “Wow these cabinets are beautiful.”
I will admit I am an insane multi-tasker. So I think that helps as well. I guess it just comes down to priorities. I love projects. I thrive on it. In fact, if I don’t have a project I start begging my friends to decorate their houses. You usually make time for things that are important to you.
My husband was actually proud of me that I took such a slow time on the kitchen and didn’t kill myself. A year ago I probably would have. But I give myself freedom to get things done slower so that I don’t neglect my family.
I challenge you to ask your husband the same thing. You may be surprised by the answer. He has gotten better with praise for all the things I do to make our house a home and he is a happy because he is getting dinner.