Do you even wake up and wonder why today even existed? I woke up in a bad mood today. I feel that still, small voice of the Lord working on my heart and all I can say is, “Lord I just want to be ugly today, I want to be petty, critical, demanding, just let me ugly, I deserve an ugly day every now and then right?!” Here are the reasons for my ugliness…
1. My oven is broken
2. I have horrible jetlag and have gotten about 20 hours of sleep total in the last 4 days. I am completely exhausted.
3. This morning Isaac managed to shake out the piece in his sippy cup that makes it leak proof. I leave him for 3 minutes with his cheerios and a sippy cup of milk (to try and make myself look semi-presentable for bible study today) and he managed to spray the entire kitchen with milk.
4. I was late for Bible study.
5. I did not finish my homework for bible study and I was mad at myself for that. And mad even more that I cared more about what people thought of the fact that I did not finish my bible study than I did to have missed those moments with the Lord.
6. I had to call Dish Network because they double charged me.
7. I had to call Embarq (phone and internet) because they mischarged me.
8. I had to call my mortgage company because I never got a bill because of the address change and my own stupidity and missed a payment and had to beg for mercy. They did take off the late me off $65 dollars.
9. I woke up with a horrible headache.
10. My house is a disaster.
So can’t I just be ugly today? And then I hear the Lord speak…
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life–in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.”
and I realize…no I don’t get to be ugly because the Holy Spririt who lives in me can’t be ugly. So I surrender…not my ugly will but yours be done, Oh Lord.